Revenge, Edna Style
by Mumofpicklegirls
Summary: Just a little oneshot that jumped into my head over breakfast this morning. Sort of companion piece to Hello From the Other Side, Edna and Burrows meet, just not where you'd be expecting them to...


**I know you'd all prefer me to be continuing with the main story of HFoS but this little one-shot just literally fell out of my head while eating my breakfast and was far too much fun not to share...**

**Enjoy!**

**o0o0o0o0o**

"Fuck it's hot" Jeanne-Ellen grumbled mentally as the fog cleared from her brain and she began to return to consciousness, her head was fuzzy and her mouth felt like a thousand camels had walked through it.

Lifting her head from chest she tried to roll her shoulders to remove the stiffness but found that her movements were restricted.

Opening her eyes slowly to assess the situation she realised she was strapped to a chair.

Her wrists and ankles were bound to the unyielding sturdy wood and there seemed to be some sort of collar round her neck. If she'd been able to to, she would have tried to pull the damn thing off as it was a little too tight – bordering on the uncomfortable, but the stiff leather straps with large black leather buckles that held her captive were tamper proof. If they had been standard issue handcuffs she'd have had them off in a minute, but these were built to prevent removal.

At least she was fully clothed, though everything she was wearing felt wet, despite the heat.

Her skin prickled with the beginnings of fear.

Trailing her eyes round the dark and musty room her eyes focused on a small woman sitting on a soft and plump love seat in the corner. Whisky glass full of amber liquid in one hand and the remote for a huge, slightly curved, kick ass TV in the other.

"Ah, good. You're awake." The old woman said, standing up and reaching her full height (which was still very small) before carefully placing the remote and the glass on a small coffee table.

"I'm so glad we finally got to meet, young lady." She purred, the bright baby blue shiny shell suit material sparkled in the dim lights and the high synthentic content made a shum-shum noise as she moved towards her victim. Tightly curled rows of bright white sausages sat on her pale pink scalp, her teeth moved generously round her flabby gums and a demonic glint sparkled in her eye.

"Who are you?" Jeanne-Ellen asked, boldy. This had to be a set up, right? Ranger pulling some sort of weird training exercise?

"I'm your worse nightmare." The ancient crone with terrible taste in fitness attire added with a grin.

"Who sent you? Where am I?"

"No-one sent you, Burrows from the time you drowned that kitten as a child to see what would happen, you were always on a one way ticket to this particular joint. Well, technically Carlos drowned you then buried your remains in the Pine Barrens, but I was allowed to dig you up again and let the wild animals enjoys you. Couple of the poor dears had terrible tummy ache for a few days, but that was probably due to you being so poisonous an all…"

"Let me go you weird old bat! This is not funny!"

"Think, Miss Burrows. Just think. Before you woke up here, what was your last memory?"

Burrows furrowed her brow and closed her eyes as the beginnings of a memory began to unravel in her head.

Almost immediately she screamed as she watched her beloved Ranger, eyes widening marginally in surprise as he had a light bulb moment advance on her position. Seconds later she was underwater, staring up at his calm but deadly eyes even as bubbles covered her own, obscuring her view. She fought against the strappings of the chair even as she mimicked the fight she put up to escape his deadly hands. Then there was silence, and an eerie calm.

Opening her eyes, Jeanne-Ellen looked at the woman in front of her who was calmly assessing her and the reaction she'd just had. "Who are you?" she whispered.

"I'm Edna."

"And why are we here?"

"Justice."

Wracking her brains, Jeanne-Ellen came up with a myriad of little itty bitty nasty things she'd done. Sure the kitten thing had been a little off for a 7 year old, but she'd soon escalated. Murder, arson, prostitution, embezzlement (which she'd nearly pulled off if Ranger hadn't taken offense to her killing Chico and trying to push Plum under the bus)… the list was long. Which one thing was more important than any other of the atrocities she'd committed?

"Nope, got me there, Grannie." She quipped out to hide the fear that was now prickling under her skin.

"You devastated a whole pile of innocent people's lives, especially a two year old girl's and you're going to pay." Edna replied angrily "just for once, I wish you'd own up to your selfish ways and show a little remorse. Maybe even feel a little guilty for what you've done."

"Nah, where would be the fun in that?" Jeanne-Ellen replied with a shrug. "Clearly I'm going to Hell so I might as well enjoy the adrenaline rush that put me on the train."

"Oh Honey, you have no idea."

Walking behind the chair and pressing a few buttons on the legs revealed that it had wheels and could be pushed along.

"What the fuck!" Jeanne-Ellen gasped out whipping her head round in surprise as far as the restraints would let her as the old lady, with surprising speed and agility, pushed the 'wheelchair' round so that they were both now looking at the TV screen.

"Now, you 'bout ready?" Edna asked as she picked up the remote. "Just to let you know, you're already in Hell. Boss tells me you've got 150 years of penance to pay and you start today. Until your punishment is through, you get to watch TV. We all thought this would be far harder and more appropriate than traditional torture for you…"

Jeanne-Ellen looked quizzically at her captor before turning towards the screen that was now switched on and warming up.

Suddenly realising what she was looking at she screamed "Nooooooo!" as the image of two people on a beach sharpened before her eyes.

"I Ricardo Carlos Manoso take you Stephanie Michelle Plum to be my lawful, wedded wife…" a gentle yet booming voice stated.

Grinning like a loon, Edna Mazur patted the woman on her shoulder "My work here is done, Chickie. Gonna go find my stud muffin and go shoot some craps with the girls." She added with a cackle as she left the room, whistling "another one bites the dust" and leaving behind pain filled echoing sobs.

**o0o0o0o0o**

**Ha hahaha haha**


End file.
